Does hell exist? Can you spend untold eons in purgatory? Your parish priest would like to assure you that you can, and if you listen to him you’ll be going to hell in a handcart for enjoying the pleasures of a handjob. Yes, the Catholic Church got its ducks in a row and its feathers in a spin long ago about the carnal pleasures to be had from fisting off a sly one.

Now as a good Christian you want to abide by the bible, but at the same time, you want to be able to bash the bishop to whenever the mood takes, so to speak.

Well, to save your soul, we at the Autoblast Blast factory have taken it upon ourselves to read the good book from cover to cover, and we can happily confirm that nowhere in the bible does it say anything about not using an Autoblow Blast.

In case you’ve been locked away in a monastery all these years, the Autoblow Blast is the world’s first and best hands free blowjob machine. The sleeve is made from easy to clean silicone and is built to a quality and standard that should assure that you can practice peacefully for years to come.

Try as we did to find it, we couldn’t divine a single verse or proverb that makes mention of it. There’s a lot of talk about not coveting your neighbor’s ass, but getting a fully automatic blowjob – not a mention.

So this is our take on the bible. You can use the Autoblow Blast to your heart’s content – because let’s not forget, he who is without sin should cast the first stone, and as long as you don’t covet your neighbor’s ass well, there’s any number of great asses out there for you to covet as the beads work you up and down at a pace you can control with just the flick of a switch.

www.roboticblowjob.com

There’s a Dawn washing up liquid commercial on You Tube from the 1980’s where the wife asks at the end of the ad ‘do you want a blowjob?’ In itself it is mildly amusing. They no doubt had some fun with a few warm up out takes before shooting the serious stuff. However what makes this a lot more amusing are the many comments raised on a site where the commercial is being shown.

Some believe it must have been so incredibly cool to be around in the 80’s that it was perfectly acceptable to end a commercial with the question ‘do you want a blowjob?’

Others report that recording techniques were so poor in those dim and distant days that the pronunciation could easily be misconstrued, and that she is saying something much more prosaic. In fact, sound recording was excellent in the ‘80’s.

Then there are those that have hit the rewind button again and again and concluded with great authority that she is actually saying ‘Do you want a pork chop?’ This take on what she is saying is confirmed by at least three other contributors, “Yeah she is definitely saying ‘Do you want a pork chop?’

There’s another guy who believes ‘do you want a blowjob’ could be some 80’s slang for drug taking.

Of course the ‘80’s were such a long time ago, beyond living memory for most people. So for the record, she is saying ‘do you want a blowjob?’ it’s a warm up gag before the real shooting starts. It was not customary or acceptable to end any commercial with such a question. There is no pork chop in sight, and it is not some kind of obscure eighties drug code.

Incidentally, while we have your attention, if you do want a blowjob, (and of course you do!) try the Autoblow Blast. It’ll give you a truly authentic deep throat blowjob at a pace you can control – and best of all, you won’t have to wash the dishes to get it. In fact the Autoblow will blow you reliably and faithfully if you never touch another dish, or whether the grass grows above your knees.

So naturally if they were to reshoot this commercial in 2010, the script would now read:

Woman: Do you want a blowjob?

Man: No thanks you brazen hussy, I’ll stick with my Autoblow Blast, now get back to what you’re supposed to be doing which is washing the dishes.

Yeah, that’s a whole lot more like it!

There are dozens of provocative and often downright naughty board games to make Valentine’s Day sexy and fun instead of predictable and tame. Predictable and tame is the red rose and the box of chocolates, the rip off Valentine’s meal down at your local restaurant, which, by the way,  is probably already fully booked – that and the near certainty that all you will get for your efforts is a peck on the cheek.

This year you need to get strategic. Invite her round to your place and have one of these board games ready to lock and load. The evening will heat up a treat, and you might even get her to blow more than just your credit card, if you play your cards right.

Advanced Sex Techniques

It’s a game of erotic foreplay with over 100,000 potential sex adventures. The spinner decides the adventure you are going to have, moving from foreplay to hotter foreplay to all out bedroom battle scenes where sex positions are dictated by a spin of the wheel.

Lust!

Lust! is a game for two that gets you all hot and bothered the further you get into it.  As you land on various spaces, you select cards and you and your lover have to act out or share romantic and sexual encounters. All roads eventually lead to the bedroom where the winner gets to initiate the love making techniques depicted on the cards. There are over 30,000 possibilities so it could be a long but very rewarding night.

A Hot Affair

A Hot Affair will get you much more worked up than an over priced restaurant bill – and in the right way too. The longer you play, the more you’ll experience new, exciting, and occasionally hilarious sexy challenges to stimulate and arouse both you and your partner.  The game climaxes with being allowed to realise one of the 50 red hot fantasies! It includes over 400 novel and fun ideas with 3 levels of play.

101 Nights of Grrreat Sex!

This game is based on Laura Corn’s New York Times Bestselling book of the same name. It promises great sex, twice a week, every week for a year, or sensational sex for one night only- whichever way you want to play it.

This is part 2 of our guide on how to choose a realistic vagina sex toy. The more specific you can be about what you need the more you can shortlist the realistic pussy that’s perfect for you.

Size: If privacy is important, it’s worth bearing in mind that some of these sex toys can weigh 10kg or more and can be quite sizeable, so if you need to keep your perfect pussy hidden check on dimensions and weight.

Price: Price varies greatly from product to product and from store to store. Check several sites for the same model, but bear in mind, high price does not necessarily guarantee the best product. Decide a budget and check out a few realistic vaginas in that price range to ensure you are getting the most bang for your buck.

Bullets: Bullets and multi-speed controllers abound, so check your realistic pussy has one if vibrations are important to you.

Reviews: Of course one of the best ways to determine a great prduct is to read from those who have already shelled out their cash for it. They are going to tell the truth, and soe products that sound great can have quality issues, while other products that are cheap can truly kick ass.

You can cut through the clutter in minutes by ensuring  your realistic pussy meets your expectations under these criteria:

• Porn star endorsed: Think of your favorite porno babe and she probably has a sex toy
• Plastics: Silicone is best because it’s easiest to clean.
• Love tunnels: Separate pussy and ass tunnels mean a better experience
• Position: Decide which way you want to experience your sex toy
• Size: Will it fit your lifestyle?
• Price: Shop around because they vary greatly
• Bullets: Check if your pussy has them if it’s an important feature for you

Reviews: Find out the truth without all the sex store overkill.

Men are not noted for being the best shoppers. Variety and choice can become very confusing for them. An overwhelming sense of impatience overcomes them, because of all the decisions that can be made or should be made, the most important thing of all is to make a quick decision. Real men don’t dither and deliberate. They do.

If confronted by too much choice, with the exception of cars and drill bits, men will simply opt for the product which looks good. That’s because men are governed by what they see, visual stimulus rules.

If a woman were ever to choose a realistic vagina the last factor she would consider is the look. First she would feel the type of plastic, then check out the number of speeds on the multi-speed controller, and most importantly, weigh up the cost versus the features on offer. You can test this theory for yourself by accompanying your wife or girlfriend to the supermarket. Note how long it takes for her to choose the fruit and vegetables. A man could complete the entire shopping trip while she’s still agonising over the size of cabbages.

So it’s anyone’s guess why they gave men so many pocket pussies to choose from. There’s simply too much choice and too little advice on what is best. For example, on just one online sex store among dozens, there are over 100 different realistic vagina products. Then there are even more pocket pussy versions of several realistic vagina’s taking up countless ages – but who will ever click past page 2?

So here’s our guide to picking the perfect pussy for your needs:.

Choose your Porn Star: The chances are, if she’s been into porn for more than five minutes she’ll have either a signature pocket pussy or realistic vagina on the market. If you favour a particular starlet you can quickly search her product online.

Plastics: Look for CyberSkin, Futurotic, RealSkin, UR3, FantaFlesh or Loveskin. All these flesh like materials are phthalate free, easy to clean and warm to the touch. Silicone is the most hygienic and easiest to clean,

Love tunnels: The better quality realistic vaginas have separate love tunnels, the cheaper ones tend not to. One love tunnel simply means whether you  penetrate the ass or the pussy, it’s going to feel the same which is not exactly true to life and defeats the object of the exercise.

Position: Which way do you want to drill your realistic pussy? Missionary? Doggie style? Jackhammer? Once you’ve decided this you can cut out dozens of products from consideration. The way you penetrate the product will add to the level of excitement you will experience.