Does hell exist? Can you spend untold eons in purgatory? Your parish priest would like to assure you that you can, and if you listen to him you’ll be going to hell in a handcart for enjoying the pleasures of a handjob. Yes, the Catholic Church got its ducks in a row and its feathers in a spin long ago about the carnal pleasures to be had from fisting off a sly one.
Now as a good Christian you want to abide by the bible, but at the same time, you want to be able to bash the bishop to whenever the mood takes, so to speak.
Well, to save your soul, we at the Autoblast Blast factory have taken it upon ourselves to read the good book from cover to cover, and we can happily confirm that nowhere in the bible does it say anything about not using an Autoblow Blast.
In case you’ve been locked away in a monastery all these years, the Autoblow Blast is the world’s first and best hands free blowjob machine. The sleeve is made from easy to clean silicone and is built to a quality and standard that should assure that you can practice peacefully for years to come.
Try as we did to find it, we couldn’t divine a single verse or proverb that makes mention of it. There’s a lot of talk about not coveting your neighbor’s ass, but getting a fully automatic blowjob – not a mention.
So this is our take on the bible. You can use the Autoblow Blast to your heart’s content – because let’s not forget, he who is without sin should cast the first stone, and as long as you don’t covet your neighbor’s ass well, there’s any number of great asses out there for you to covet as the beads work you up and down at a pace you can control with just the flick of a switch.
There’s a Dawn washing up liquid commercial on You Tube from the 1980’s where the wife asks at the end of the ad ‘do you want a blowjob?’ In itself it is mildly amusing. They no doubt had some fun with a few warm up out takes before shooting the serious stuff. However what makes this a lot more amusing are the many comments raised on a site where the commercial is being shown.
Some believe it must have been so incredibly cool to be around in the 80’s that it was perfectly acceptable to end a commercial with the question ‘do you want a blowjob?’
Others report that recording techniques were so poor in those dim and distant days that the pronunciation could easily be misconstrued, and that she is saying something much more prosaic. In fact, sound recording was excellent in the ‘80’s.
Then there are those that have hit the rewind button again and again and concluded with great authority that she is actually saying ‘Do you want a pork chop?’ This take on what she is saying is confirmed by at least three other contributors, “Yeah she is definitely saying ‘Do you want a pork chop?’
There’s another guy who believes ‘do you want a blowjob’ could be some 80’s slang for drug taking.
Of course the ‘80’s were such a long time ago, beyond living memory for most people. So for the record, she is saying ‘do you want a blowjob?’ it’s a warm up gag before the real shooting starts. It was not customary or acceptable to end any commercial with such a question. There is no pork chop in sight, and it is not some kind of obscure eighties drug code.
Incidentally, while we have your attention, if you do want a blowjob, (and of course you do!) try the Autoblow Blast. It’ll give you a truly authentic deep throat blowjob at a pace you can control – and best of all, you won’t have to wash the dishes to get it. In fact the Autoblow will blow you reliably and faithfully if you never touch another dish, or whether the grass grows above your knees.
So naturally if they were to reshoot this commercial in 2010, the script would now read:
Woman: Do you want a blowjob?
Man: No thanks you brazen hussy, I’ll stick with my Autoblow Blast, now get back to what you’re supposed to be doing which is washing the dishes.
Just in time for Christmas, the five best, ball busting, load releasing sex toys and sex products every would love to have:
1) Tenga Flip Hole
From Tenga, masters of the brilliantly designed onacup one off pocket pussies comes the Tenga Flip Hole, a state-of-the-art masturbation device for men. It looks and feels like no other male sex toy ever made. 3 buttons create separate, individually controlled actions with a thrilling assault course of beads and nubs to make the ride intensely pleasurable.
2) Tracey Cox Super Sex Stroker
A brilliantly versatile sex toy for men. The Supersex Stroker has two tantalising textures which stroke, tease, entice and excite your whole length. Great fun to use alone or with a partner. Works as a great little clit tickler on ladies too!
3) Love Honey Vibra Exciter Mobile Phone Vibrator for Men
He’ll look forward to every text and phone call from you with this marvel of masturbatory communication. It’s the world’s first mobile phone sex toy for men! The LoveHoney VibraExciter’s twin-bullet cock ring is activated when the wearer receives a call or a text message on their mobile phone. Just dial 0 for Orgasm!
4) Stud 100 Premjact Delay Spray
A welcome gift for you as much as for him! This top quality, medically tested desensitizing spray puts the delay in having it away. One spray of Stud 100 reduces the sensitivity to touch of the penis in order to delay climax. Improved formula features Lidocaine, a local anaesthetic.
5) Autoblow Blast
If he’s been pestering you to love him up down below, get him the Autoblow Blast. It’s the best fully automatic deep throat blowjob he’s ever likely to get. Once inside the soft silicone sleeve, microbeads ride up and down the entire length of his aching cock. A great sex training unit too, teaching him to control orgasm and build staying power.
The Autoblow Blast is to blowjobs what Boeing is to flying. It’s your passport to a safe, assured, expert blowjob that gets you to where you want to go every time.
There are many oro simulators on the market, but this is the first and best of the fully automatic blowjob machines. The Autoblow asks nothing more of you than to sit back, relax, switch on and settle in for a session that doesn’t only blow your aching cock, but also your mind.
That’s because, once you’ve inserted yourself into the soft silicone sleeve, rows of micro beads ride up and down the full length of your shaft, simulating the experience of a deep throat blowjob. The multi-speed controller allows you to increase or reduce the speed, or vary the speed throughout the session. The important difference i, unlike a real blowjob, this baby doesn’t stop, or getting fed up, or suddenly remember it’s missing Desperate Housewives. No, with the Autoblow, you’re guaranteed to get blown until you come like a steam train.
With regular practice it’s also an excellent way to build up stamina. Finishing too soon can become incredibly frustrating and embarrassing when you’re out to impress. The Autoblow teaches you restraint, and the power of holding back to make the subsequent orgasm all the more intense.
We therefore have no hesitation in making the Autoblow Blast our Sex Toy of the month, and if you have never experienced a fully automatic, unquestioning uncomplaining blowjob before, this is a great place to start. Check out www.roboticblowjob.com
